October 22: Real People! Real Experiences! Real God!

 Real People! Real Experiences! Real God!

Death of a Parent

Anonymous Writer 
Bodden Town SDA Church

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

 

When I was 19 years old, my mother died. Being a Seventh-day Adventist, I knew what the Bible teaches about death. Yet, I refused to be comforted. Each day, I would spend hours in the basement, alone. This annoyed my father, and from time to time, he would try to encourage me to socialize and open up, but I refused. When persons visited, they would say cliché things like “God understands”, and politely, I accommodated their attempt to comfort me. But as far as I was concerned, they were wasting their time.

And here is the irony. I had prayed for my mother to die.

My mother died of cancer. She was getting treatment in another country, and so when they called and told us that she was near death, we traveled overseas the very next day. Immediately upon landing, we headed straight to the hospital.

When I walked into the hospital room, a spirit of annoyance slowly overwhelmed me. Having scanned the room, I did not see my mother. I was annoyed that the hospital staff had sent us to the wrong room! But the truth was, she was there – just unrecognizable. The cancer had destroyed her physical appearance. Seeing my mother emaciated, in pain, and suffering was extremely difficult for me. And so that night, I prayed earnestly for her to die so that she would no longer experience the pain and humiliation of a slow death. She died the next day. When I saw her, she looked as though she were asleep, and I felt a sense of relief – but it was short-lived.

The emotions that descended afterwards were a mix of depression that I no longer had a mother (my closest friend), and anger at God for all of the suffering that my mother experienced, because I thought it was unfair. And so my greatest challenge overall was, what am I to think of you, God? Who are You, really? Can I really trust You?

During this period, I couldn’t really pray. The only words that I could muster up in prayer were the words, “Help me”. In the basement, though, I played religious music, and it was one song that initiated my renewal. It was a song by Sandi Patti that referenced Jesus’ death on the cross, and while the song played, it came to my spirit that His death was also UNFAIR. That caused me to reflect and ultimately led to my recovery.

Dealing with the death of a loved one can be extremely difficult. My advice to anyone who wishes to support a grieving person would be:

• Let the grieving one know that you are sorry for his/her pain and that you are praying for him/her - and then actually pray. Avoid the cliché lectures.
• Stop asking how persons are (e.g. How are you?). Isn’t it obvious? How is someone to respond when the same question is repeated 50 times by 50 different people? Instead, offer to support. Let the individual know that you are available to talk whenever they need a listening ear.
• Keep checking in AFTER the funeral. Support is also needed then.

Prayer:

Lord,
When grief feels unbearable and our hearts are filled with questions, meet us in the quiet places of our pain. Remind us that You understand loss, and that Your compassion never fails. Help us to trust You even when life feels unfair, and to find healing in Your presence. Bring comfort to those who mourn and surround them with Your peace that passes all understanding.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.