October 27: Dealing With Multiple Deaths in the Family

 Scripture:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
— 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

 

Dealing With Multiple Deaths in the Family

The stillness of the night was interrupted by a loud pounding on my mother's bedroom window.

"Del, Del, the glass is over her eyes, come."

By Annette L. Vaughan, Bodden Town SDA

My mother's name is Delcina, but everyone called her Del.. My sister and I shared a room with my mother. She jumped up, turned on the light, and responded with a question. “Is it Ma?” she asked.
"Yes, she's going," the person answered.

It was my great-aunt speaking, my maternal grandmother's sister. She lived with my great-grandmother about ¼ mile down the road. My older siblings in the house were all awakened by the knock and the anxious conversations by then. They quickly dressed and hurried down the road, leaving the children at home.

They returned by daybreak with the sad news that our great-grandmother had died. She was 96 years old. I remember clearly the day of the funeral. Her frail body was in a white dress, and she was in a brown coffin. People from the neighbourhood came for the viewing, while others sang mournfully. My grandmother, aunt, mother, and other relatives were all weeping. The undertaker then placed the coffin in a big black hearse, and my relatives drove to the Anglican church for the funeral service and burial. The children were not allowed to go. Afterwards, they gathered at our house to fellowship, reminisce on her life, and have refreshments.

This was my first experience with death in my family, and it has continued ever since with a 15-year-old cousin among the youngest. What kept me together in my grief, and still does in times of sickness and loss, is my strong faith in God, a praying church family, a loving and supportive husband, and an unbreakable bond that my extended family has shared through the years. My husband refers to us as a clan.

Our family tree spreads wide. My grandmother had three daughters. Each of them had four, eight, and six children. As generational cousins, we enjoy a very close relationship that many families desire and others envy. This bond helped when my father died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. That bond also helped us through the sudden death of my aunt from a massive aneurysm while preparing for her son and his family to visit from Tortola. That bond and sense of compassion helped during the death of my mother about six months after being diagnosed with cancer. That bond and my faith in God were instrumental when my eldest sister died, a year and a half after my mother. She died from thrombosis of her lungs in the recovery room after a successful surgery. It became a tower of strength at the death of my 15-year-old cousin, followed by her grandmother and her mother in quick succession. They were my maternal aunt's daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter. My aunt, my mother's sister, had died a few years earlier from cancer. More than ever, that strong family bond was impactful and soothed the pain when my only maternal brother died a day after a trip to town. He complained of sharp abdominal pains, was transported to the hospital by ambulance, and died a few hours later.

Without grandparents, a mother, father, aunts, uncles, an elder sister, or a brother . . . Yet, with a strong family support unit and bond that keeps us united in good times and bad, in adversity or success, in fortune or misfortune. Yet, with a caring church family that is always interceding for each other. Yet, with a loving, supportive husband who constantly provides a shoulder to lean on during times of bereavement. I cherish and appreciate them all.

I also take comfort and strength in God’s Holy Word, which is my source of inspiration and hope. Above all, through my moments of grief and loss, I found peace and comfort in my caring, loving Heavenly Father, who invites us to cast all our care on Him because He cares for us.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being our comforter in times of sorrow and loss. When grief feels unbearable, remind us that Your love never fades and Your arms are always open to receive us. Strengthen families who mourn with Your peace, bind them together in unity and faith, and help them to find hope in Your promise of eternal life.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.