October 29: Forgiving Difficult People

Forgiving Difficult People

Scripture:

I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to live worthy of the calling you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Anonymous, Bodden Town SDA

— Ephesians 4:1–3 (CSB)Most of us believe we deserve forgiveness, but forgiving someone who has grievously wronged us is an arduous journey.

My family has always been the centre of my life. My parents were loving people who encouraged all their children to be supportive of and love one another. I cherish the times I spent with my family, and things were going well until we reached young adulthood. My brother, John, whom we all adored, brought home his girlfriend, Judy. Looking back, I can see how deeply troubled she was, but as an inexperienced youth, I couldn’t identify mental health issues.

My brother’s relationship became toxic, which affected my family tremendously. We were slowly excluded from his life and witnessed him make negative decisions that had a lasting impact on him. He stopped going to church, and Judy, who had become a close friend, started manipulating different family members to try to alienate us from each other.

I noticed the effects on my family; we were continuously arguing, and most of us couldn’t be in the same room together. My mother began a nine-day fast and prayer over the situation. In contrast to my mother, I became angry and resentful towards this person who seemed to bring chaos into my world. I burned all the gifts I had received over the years, including hundreds of letters and cards, as we had been pen pals previously.

My brother stopped taking guidance from my parents and became withdrawn. Judy, who was then my roommate, started stealing items and leaving my doors wide open at all hours of the early morning. We lived in a city that was not safe, but God protected me, and I was never robbed, even when I woke up one morning at 3:00 AM and noticed that all the lights were on in the home, all the doors and windows had been left open, and it was obvious from the street. I demanded that she leave, which she eventually did.

One day, I thought Judy had returned and slammed the door shut, enraged. (I later realised that it was actually my neighbour and not Judy). A visiting friend gently took me aside and pointed out that I was not behaving like the person she knew me to be. I was being consumed by my resentment and hatred towards Judy.

At that moment, I decided not to react negatively when interacting with or thinking about Judy. As a Christian, I knew this was not the behavior Christ expected of me. This decision changed my world. I was no longer frustrated and angry. I encouraged my family to let go of their grievances, and God took over. Judy returned to her country of origin, and life moved on. Reflecting on that time, I realized that she was probably suffering from mental illness and needed support and understanding beyond our comprehension.

Tips

• Trust God, even when it seems impossible.

• When times are challenging, remember to pray.

• Even persons who hurt you deserve empathy. Today, I can look back and see beyond my hurt and can only imagine the extent of trauma that Judy experienced to subject our family to that behaviour. Ask God to give you the capacity to be empathetic.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the gift of forgiveness that flows from Your heart to ours. When others hurt or betray us, help us to release bitterness and extend grace, just as You have done for us. Teach us to see those who wrong us through eyes of compassion, to pray for their healing, and to find peace in surrendering our pain to You. May forgiveness free our hearts and restore unity in our families and relationships.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.